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Essential French Etiquette



"Which cheek to kiss? Important French etiquette
that you need to know!"

A little bit of polite French etiquette can take you a long way in getting what you want and in making friends.

As we travel for work a lot I do find it a bit embarrassing when I see how some visitors to other people's countries expect to be treated they way they are used to rather then they themselves making the effort to integrate with the country they are visiting.

The French in general are polite and courteous and although they have some unusual foibles, don't we all!!

* French kissing??
* Greetings – Hello and Goodbye
* Giving/receiving gifts
* French Etiquette and Table Manners

-- French Etiquette --



To kiss or not to kiss

Fish kissing Traditionally, members of families and close friends greeted each other with two kisses. For everyone else, especially strangers or older people, a handshake was more appropriate. Nowadays though confusion can abound especially since there are so many non-native French people living in France and so many Francophones dotted around the world.

As a rule of thumb if you are meeting someone formally a solid handshake and a verbal greeting will do. If it is more of a social occasion, follow the lead of others. Generally people will kiss each other on the cheeks and that is when most foreigners start to panic – well I do.

How many and which side to start with? ………. Ahh confusion again!

Most people offer their right cheek first and depending on where you live in France, the custom is to kiss two, three or in extreme cases, four times – alternate cheeks. We are not talking about sloppy wet kisses like grandma used to give but more a gentle brushing of skin and a pouting of lips with a kiss in the air near to the other person’s ear.

I am useless at this as for starters I am not very comfortable in this kissing peek a boo thing and secondly I always offer the wrong cheek and end up banging noses and glasses and mumbling something at how "We British are useless at this sort of thing". It is a useful excuse mind you and means I can be blame my upbringing and heritage on my kissing inadequacies.

By the way if you were looking for the other type of French Kissing then try here. French kissing for couples!

-- French Etiquette --



Greetings – Hello and Goodbye

Greetings in France are very important and are a standard part of French etiquette and everyday life. They are not difficult though and once you have done it once it will seem easy.

If you get in lift, enter a shop, stand at a bus stop….someone will probably greet you and you should reciprocate – if you can.

If you are meeting someone in one of the above scenarios then a verbal greeting is OK. However if it is a more organized meeting such as amongst a group of friends, at work, at the school gates or a meeting with a client then you should add the handshake or kiss as well See above.

With a verbal greeting you should say "Hello" + their title or first name if you are friends.

By title I mean Mr, Mrs, or Miss. So this might be :

(Bonjour = hello)

  • Bonjour, Monsieur (to a man)
  • Bonjour, Madame (to a lady)
  • Bonjour Mademoiselle (to a young lady usually under 20 years of age)
  • Bonjour, Messieurs (to several men)
  • Bonjour Mesdames (to several ladies)

    The French etiquette for saying goodbye is pretty much the same!! You will use the verbal courtesies plus the handshakes and the kisses if appropriate. So you would say:

    (Au revoir = goodbye, Merci = thank you)

  • Au revoir Monsieur, Madame etc. OR
  • Merci Monsieur, Madame etc.

    -- French Etiquette --



    Giving and receiving gifts

    Gift giving What do you take (if at all) if you are invited to dinner or to someone's house for a drink, a wedding or a funeral?

  • Invited to dinner

  • If you are invited to dinner it is nice to take a gift but not essential. The French know and appreciate good wine so only take wine if it would be considered as a special bottle. Definitely don't take the cheap label from the local supermarket and don't give wine to someone who has a wine collection – they may take offense.

    If it is quite a formal dinner, you could send some flowers the morning of the dinner party but if you want to bring some with you, have then in a vase already and bring an odd number (except 13 which is unlucky) and NOT White Lilies or Chrysanthemums which are funeral flowers.

    I think one of the best things you can take is something from your own country or from your travels. This might be a jar of marmalade or traditional biscuits or maybe some tea or a small ornament.

  • Invited to drinks

  • A gift is not really necessary if it is only drinks however if you wish to take something small that is fine. As I said above, be careful about bringing wine but you could bring some beer or alcohol special to your homeland. Apart from that you could bring a small basket of home grown fruit or vegetables or a plant from your garden.

    Wedding
  • Wedding gifts

  • A French wedding is usually a long affair and food and drink play an important role – that's another story though! In terms of gifts there is often a wedding list and you will need to contact the person who invited you to ask where it is. It's usually at a local high street store. Cash is also a popular gift especially if the couple already has a house with all the things in that they need. Alternatively depending on how well you know the couple you can take your own specially chosen gift.

  • Attending a Funeral

  • If you are invited to a funeral it is always appreciated to send a card with some kind words and some flowers. These can be sent before the funeral or given on the day. Ask the florist about suitable flowers but Chrysanthemums and White Lilies are common funeral flowers.

    -- French Etiquette --



    Table Manners

    If you get invited to dinner formal or not, there are a few simple rules that will take you a long way up the social etiquette ladder.

  • Don't be more than 10 minutes late. Ring and explain if you are delayed.
  • Bring a small gift or send flowers on the morning of the dinner party.
  • Make an effort with your clothes unless you know the people very well and the have told you to come dressed casually.
  • A typical dinner might consist of up to six courses (not including the drinks): Aperitif, Entrè, plate principal (main course), cheese, dessert, fruit, coffee and digestive drink.
  • If an aperitif is served wait for the host to make a toast and then hold your glass upwards and say "Santè" (good health).
  • Do not begin eating until the hostess says 'bon appetit'.
  • Keep your elbows off the table but keep you hands visible. Hidden hands means you're up to no good!!

    Bread and soup
  • Bread is placed directly on the tablecloth in front of you unless it is a formal meal in which case bread plates are used. Tear off small bite sized pieces of bread rather than biting from the bread roll/chunk itself.
  • Never butter your bread at a meal. The bread is used to wipe up the juices left behind at the end of each course. This is because the different courses of a French meal are all served on the same plate.
  • Try and finish everything on your plate.
  • Do not cut salad with a knife and fork. Fold the lettuce on to your fork.
  • If you don't want any more wine, leave your glass half full.
  • When you have finished your food you should cross your knife and fork on the plate with your fork on the top.
  • If in doubt, follow everyone else and smile a lot!
  • -- French Etiquette --


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